swizzasnake ([info]swizzasnake) wrote,
@ 2009-06-25 00:10:00
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Outdated icon for RL post.

We're having Chip, my gorgeous dog, put down on Thursday morning (today, here - it just passed midnight). Mom's gonna be there (in the house) but I can't. I know it's the right thing to do but I just can't be there so I'm taking myself out for as long as I need to.

The odd thing is that my Mom's obviously gutted, but I'm not - I'm oddly pragmatic and detached. This is definitely good because I know I'll be the one in charge for the next few days, but I'm feeling really guilty. Shouldn't I be a sobbing wreck? Or at least really fucking unhappy? 'Cause I'm not - I'm ready and I'm ok and I know it's best. Does the lack of emotion make me a bad person? Who knows.


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[info]simgaroop
2009-06-24 11:54 pm UTC (link)

You're not a bad person. Some people develop that kind of defense (sort of like storing the feelings inside a locked box) because they need to be as focused as possible to deal with a difficult situation.

I was like that when my cousin died one month ago. I'm usually an over-dramatic wuss, but as soon as I realized that I needed to help my niece and family, I was unable to cry at all. It took me a while to release what I felt, once everything was done and gone. And I was able to support my loved ones.

I'm so sorry about your dog :(. Be strong for as long as you need to be, and don't feel guilty.

Best of wishes for you.

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[info]swizzasnake
2009-06-24 11:59 pm UTC (link)
Aw, thank you so much! Means an awful lot right now, so thank you.

I'm glad someone understands, and I'm sending you massive love and support about your cousin.

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[info]hllangel
2009-06-25 12:02 am UTC (link)
You're definitely not a bad person. Those decisions are always difficult. You're not free of emotion, and being pragmatic is not the same as being emotionless.

*HUGS*

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[info]swizzasnake
2009-06-25 12:05 am UTC (link)
*massive hugs* You're a star - thank you!

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[info]drunken_hedghog
2009-06-25 06:08 am UTC (link)
You remember when my Grandma died? When I found out? Same thing. You're not bad or wrong. Just be prepared for it to hit you later.

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[info]swizzasnake
2009-06-25 08:24 am UTC (link)
*hugs* Ok hun.

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